Dr. Shonda Lackey

Licensed Psychologist & Script Consultant in NYC | Helping Cultivate the Art of Introspection | 646.926.2198


How to Survive the Weekend When You’re Single

So, you’re single and you made it through this weekend. But are you already dreading spending this coming Friday or Saturday night fantasizing about what you would do with the partner that doesn’t yet exist? Well, maybe it’s time to reconsider the way you’ve been thinking about the weekends.

Yes, many couples make the most of their weekends together, but that doesn’t mean you have to feel left out. Be intentional about each weekend by planning ahead. Instead of waiting around and not having anything to do on the weekend or trying to come up with something last minute, change the game. What’s wrong with planning in advance which book or television series you’re going to catch up on? This is your time to pause, refresh, and unwind.

If you want to go out, you may want to get together with one of your friends. Sometimes, once you reach a certain age, your friendships change. In addition to coupled friends who have less time for you, you may find you have very few if any single friends left. Until you develop new friendships, go out alone.

Many singles feel stigma about going to places alone. Once you’ve considered any safety issues, it’s time to challenge yourself. Go to a movie or a live performance. If the idea of going out on a weekend night amidst couples is terrifying, start out by going to matinees. Some people might wonder what you’re doing alone, but so what? Let them wonder. Many of those same people (single or coupled) probably wish they had the courage to do things alone.

Now, I’m not promising that you won’t still feel pangs of sadness, concern, or frustration on the weekend if you’d sometimes prefer to be spending that time with a partner. These are typical responses which differ from depression, anxiety, or anger. And if you’re able to reconsider the way you think about the weekend, you may experience less of those devastating feelings.

If you found these tips helpful and would like to do more in-depth work, contact me for a free 15 minute phone consultation. I offer therapy, coaching, and private workshops.

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Biological Clock? 5 Things to Consider Before Freezing Your Eggs

Do you still have hopes of getting married and having children, even though you haven’t met the right partner? As time continues to go by, perhaps you’ve considered oocytye cryopreservation, also known as egg freezing. From a psychological viewpoint, there are some things you might want to keep in mind before making a decision.

Identify Your Motives
Many women consider egg freezing for the first time during certain turning points in their lives. These turning points may include your birthday, your best friend’s pregnancy or what may seem like the hundredth wedding invitation. Although these events may make your biological clock tick a bit louder, it’s a good idea to consider why it’s important for you to have children or to be a mother. Why choose egg freezing over another technique?

Manage Your Emotions
The egg freezing process can bring up a mix of emotions. There might be some feelings of envy, sadness, anxiety, or guilt. It can be easy to be led by your emotions, so it’s best to make a decision about how to deal with your infertility issues when you’re not so overwhelmed. Whether it’s conflict about religious values, financial concerns, self-doubt, or something else – resolve the root of what’s causing your feelings so you can make a more rational decision.

Evaluate Your Support System
This can be a vulnerable time filled with a lot of uncertainty and the quality of your relationships may suffer. Who is going to support you during the many emotional ups and downs involved in this process? In order to have a support system, the first step is deciding what type of support you need –emotional, physical, or financial. Next, decide who you will tell about your fertility problems. Can you trust that person? Are they able and willing to offer support? You may confide in family members or friends. You may also want to consider seeing a psychologist if you’re finding it difficult to find support.

Confront Stigma
Some stigma still exists regarding women who remain childless past a certain age. Stigma also exists about reproductive techniques such as egg freezing. If you fall prey to the stigma, you can make decisions based on someone else’s beliefs instead of making the choice that is right for you.

Understand Risks and Alternatives
Seeking medical advice from your OBGYN or a fertility clinic can help you determine the risks associated with egg freezing as well as alternative treatments. You’ll be in a better position to make an informed decision.

If you found these tips helpful and would like to do more in-depth work, contact me for a free 15 minute phone consultation. I offer private workshops.